"Evil Don't Look Like Anything"

Negotiating Safe Passage, 36x36", oil on canvas, 2007

 Last night at dinner Ramona brought up the idea of inherited guilt. She was writing an essay for school. She, in all her youth and innocence, was wondering at the idea of original sin or inherited sin. Brian and I brought up the idea of collective guilt and collective consciousness using slavery as an example here in the states and we also brought up Nazi Germany. She wasn't having it. Why should anyone feel guilty for what they didn't actually do? We talked about the guilt we feel about the advantages we've had because we are white, our parents are white---about the positive projections of advancement, expectations of success, we've inherited. These things were hard to pin down with examples....Brian talked about the economic advantage the early United Stated enjoyed because a large amount of our industry---agriculture particularly, was built with the free labor of slavery--wealth built on slavery, not freedom. And how a parent's advantages and limits are potentially passed on to their kids. 

 All this got me to thinking about guilt, temptations, purity of good and purity of evil. I don't happen to believe that there is such a thing as pure evil or pure goodness. I believe it's far more interesting than that. I try to go good things, strive to be kind, but I am fascinated with evil. And experience in life has taught me that that struggle is where wisdom is gained. So in my work as an artist I use the allegory of nature to show the ambiguity of beauty in humankind. There is, always, in my pieces, an element of sadness and wonder, at the beauty of things both evil and good. Nature is a formidable force of goodness in life. It can also be horribly destructive and destroy lives. One should never turn their back on nature. Keep it close and watch it. But remember, "evil don't look like anything."

Evil is an act.

Here's one of my first, favorite, Okkervil River songs...It really says it better than I can.

 

No Wonder I'm Nuts, or, What I Did This Summer

I've been beating myself up a bit about not producing much work this summer, and not getting a chance to take my regular bike rides, always busy, though, always thinking.

Today, I realized, I have been doing A LOT but it's all sort of new and all unfinished, and, most significantly, it's untested work and so, it feels shaky, insecure, anxiety ridden. Today I realized that's just as it should be. It mirrors my life exactly, and that's OK also.

I've been teaching 4 mornings a week, 2 hour classes, every week this whole summer and you'd think that would leave me plenty of time to get my other work done, but I've felt so scattered. I normally take some time off in the summer, break from teaching, renew my creative lifeline. This year finances are tight, so not only was there no vacation get away to make me all new again, but I decided to take on more students--open all my weekdays up. And I'm so happy to have had the opportunity. I've really enjoyed the teaching and have in fact honed my teaching skills and enjoyed these young people so much. BUT, my creative self needs rejuvenation and I have been wishing for an outlet, or even the concentrated time necessary in my studio to really get into my work. I started to look at all the pieces I've been working on all summer. When I slowed down enough to take stock, I realized that I've been working on a lot of different projects. They are all so varied, so much so, that it feels like my ideas are ricocheting about my studio in a really confusing fashion. So, I did what I usually do when life overwhelms me, I made a list--but in this case I documented it with pictures.

Here are some of my soon to be completed projects:

Work in progress, print of original ink drawing, mixed media and collage added.

 Dog Day Bugs, Cicadas, for examination, collected lovingly and given freely, to me...Thanks Juliee!

preliminary drawings

enlarged and exaggerated...

Dog Day Bug, ink on claybord, beginning--loving working with liquid ink, sennelier's shiny shellac version.

Dog Day Bug, changing, hmmm, we'll see

Wall of ideas and recent sketches

Sycamore tree parts, things Felix brought to me when he was little, I had saved them in a paper bag, found them the other day....sweet.

One of my studio chairs. Chairs are one of my favorite things to draw. They all seem to suggest the people in the room, past, present, future.

Indian Paintbrush, ink and watercolor

Sorry the photo's a little blurry...ugh, Bird's Nest, oil on maple panel, for  my friend and fellow artist Matt Lynaugh, almost done.

My Problem in Yellow, maybe it's finally done. A 2-D set of worry beads.

My next painting. I already know what I'm going to paint--what it's about, and all, I just have to sand and bleach the stretcher because it has some mildew damage--boring details.

AND, I have an idea I've been stewing on for a while--for an art destination, here in Austin. I just need about 4 million, DOLLARS, so it's crazy, but I can't get it out of my mind and it keeps getting more real the more I think about it. The idea is so great and beautiful, isn't that enough?